youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
