holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
