i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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