i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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