Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love having hate sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
