I wanna passion pit in your ass
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
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Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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