"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
