I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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