You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
