my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You took a bar mat shot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
