TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
