Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
