she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
