feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
