i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
