its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
