My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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