I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
