He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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