i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
