he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
