it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
