Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
