My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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