I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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