I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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