My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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