ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
