You can't motorboat a personality
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
