I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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