Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
