the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
