yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You can't motorboat a personality
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
