just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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