She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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