What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
