mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
