when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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