So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
