If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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