the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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