Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
