btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
