i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
