Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
