Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
