He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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