respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
