Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
