So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
