I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
