I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
