Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
