I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
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You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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