Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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