covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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