Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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