so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
