I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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