Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
