He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
