you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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