so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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