I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
