Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
