just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
operation have a gay friend backfired
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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