If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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