i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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