i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just found puke in my bra..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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