My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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